What would happen if you took the logic of the 9/11 conspiracy theorists and applied it to the destruction of the Death Star at the end of Star Wars IV: A New Hope ?
Actually, the results are pretty funny:
1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?
(…)
3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?
(…)
5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn?t?(…)
7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader?s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader?s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?
8 ) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?
The people of the Empire demand answers.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Nice, my daughter will enjoy this even more than I did.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
I’ve always been more of a Star Trek fan, but this is hysterical.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I demand an investigation! I want a blue-ribbon panel to look into an obvious failure of the imperial govnerment!
I believe the Vice Pre…I mean Lord Vader…is lying to us when he outed the true identity of Imperial Senator, Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan as a traitor and part of the Rebel Alliance.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
[…] the Beltway has breaking news about a major government […]
February 28th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
It’s worse. Princess Leia was allowed to escape - and I hear SHE VADER’S DAUGHTER! Why didn’t anyone tell this to the Imperial Death Star Commission?!?!
February 28th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
D.J.,
Obviously this conspiracy reaches deep into the Empire’s corridor’s of power.
Does anyone really believe Grand Moff Specter’s “magic missile theory ?