From The Onion:
WASHINGTON, DC?Though critics have argued that he does not understand the futility of his current situation, President Bush announced today that he has no plans to remove his head from its current position: wedged painfully between two balusters on a White House staircase.
“Setting a timetable for withdrawal of my head would send mixed messages about why I put my head here in the first place,” Bush said at a press conference on the Grand Staircase. “I am going to finish what I set out to accomplish here, no matter how unpopular my decision may be, or how much my head hurts while stuck between these immovable stairway posts.”
Democrats, emboldened by electoral victories that gave them control of both houses of Congress, are calling for Bush to begin withdrawing his head from the banister immediately.
“Why does the president refuse to pull his head out of that banister?” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said in a speech yesterday. “Hasn’t he had his head in there long enough? We’d all like to know just how the American people are being served by him keeping his head in that banister.”
Entering its fifth day, the president’s incursion into the banister is now widely considered a quagmire. Bush initially told the nation that he was going to stick his head through the banister in order to secure stockpiles of cashews on the other side. Though intelligence reports cited by the president seemed to indicate the presence of these cashews, a comprehensive probe by White House personnel revealed that no such nuts existed.
Heh
April 5th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
I was wondering what the Democrats are reading.