Below The Beltway

The Washington Post’s Marc Fisher reports from Day Two of the trial in the most ridiculous lawsuit in history:

At noon precisely on Day Two of the $54 million pants case, we saw The Pants. Defense attorney Christopher Manning unveiled the suit trousers that Roy Pearson says are not his and that the owners of Custom Cleaners say are indeed the ones that Pearson submitted for a $10.50 alteration back in 2005.

The dramatic moment in Courtroom 415 at D.C. Superior Court revealed that yes, the pants look like they are part of a suit, and yes, the dry cleaners attached to these pants a tag with the same numbers that appeared on the receipt Pearson got for his suit. But Pearson still denies these are his pants, and still demands $54 million, though he has not yet wept today.

Not since Monica’s blue dress has an article of clothing so gripped the Nation’s Capitol.

And, just when it should be over with, it continues:

This ended Pearson’s case and defense lawyer Manning used the break in the action to ask Judge Bartnoff to toss out the whole case because it fails as a matter of law. After lengthy discussion, Bartnoff ruled that “It’s a close call,” but she would let the case proceed, but for one small part that she threw out. Pearson had argued that the cleaners’ sign saying “Same Day Service” was misleading and fraudulent, but Bartnoff said he produced no evidence of that and indeed he had never asked for same day service on any of his garments.

“All Same Day Service says is that same day service is an available service,” the judge ruled, freeing D.C. cleaners of any chance that they might suddenly be required to wash and repair every single garment in town in a single day.

So now, the Chung’s have to put on their defense. Although, I think the Judge is making very clear just how she feels about Pearson’s case:

Bartnoff has handled Pearson with a disarming and delightful mix of humor and stern direction. Sometimes incredulous, sometimes gently joshing, she has repeatedly lured Pearson out of his tendency to go off on long, incomprehensible recitations about the minutia of the District’s consumer protection law. But Bartnoff has been careful to let Pearson state his odd notions of law with few limitations.

This is known as giving someone all the rope they need to hand themselves.

“Your position,” Bartnoff said to Pearson this morning, “is that ‘Satisfaction Guaranteed’ means they have to satisfy whatever you demand, with no limitations, absolutely unconditionally?”

“That’s correct,” Pearson replied.

“I have grave doubts about that,” said the judge

Hopefully, this nonsense will be over by the end of the day.

Previous Posts:

The Case Of The $ 65 Million Pants
The Case Of The $ 65 Million Pants, Part II
Because, You Know, $ 9 Million Makes All The Difference
A Frivolous Case Goes To Trial